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A Recent Afternoon’s Conversation in the Car
Newt: [pensively] Do you ever think it’s weird that strangers read your blog?
Me: I used to, but I don’t anymore.
Newt: But why would they care about our family?
Me: I don’t know. I guess they read it because they think I’m a good writer.
Newt: [derisive laughter]
Me: [indignantly] Did you laugh? [turning to look] Why are you laughing? You’re mean!
Newt: [laughs more and spews Starbucks kids hot cocoa out her nose - then laughs harder]
Me: I am so going to blog about this.
Newt: Touche.
Heidi Will Absolutely, Positively NEVER (Do you hear me? I mean it!) Have a Facebook
I have never been quiet about my aversion to all things Facebook.
I don’t want a Facebook, won’t have a Facebook, because:
- I’ve heard about the farm game.
- I don’t care which Twilight character I am most like.
- I’m not interested in what kind of sandwich you just ate, nor do I believe that you really want to read that about me. (Unless you write it in a blog post, with the recipe. Then I’m all yours.)
- Someone might upload embarrassing photos of me, like these:
- I already spend too much time on my laptop. I am too busy volunteering at homeless shelters.
- If the people in my past were that important to me, they wouldn’t be in my past.
Wait, back up. What was that last one?
- If the people in my past were that important to me, they wouldn’t be in my past.
That used to be true. But recently I find myself losing touch with a couple of long-distance friends. I spend my days homeschooling, and my evenings with my husband. Long phone calls are becoming a rarity. And now that Oregon has passed a Don’t Talk and Drive law, even brief catch-ups in the car are a thing of the past.
It was the Christmas letters that did it. As I read, I realized that I like keeping up with what my friends were doing. I don’t want our only contact to be reduced to once a year.
Is Facebook the best solution? Probably not. The best solution would be to make real time for the people that I care about. But, honestly, no matter how good my intentions, that is just not likely to happen right now. My time is being spent on my laptop family.
So…
[deep breath]
I created a Facebook page.
But I will absolutely, positively NEVER (Do you hear me? I mean it!) Twitter.
Merry Christmas
Earlier this month, GW and I read The Best Christmas Pageant Ever. If you haven’t read it, please do so immediately.
When GW got the part of an angel in our church pageant, I almost expected her to say “Hey! Unto you a child is born!” No such luck. I will admit that this was better, though.
Merry Christmas!
PS: I sewed that little white skirt for her over the summer. Thank goodness it still fit.
Almost Perfect
Today was a good day. Sun and sea and salty air.
A really, really good day.
Well, except for that speeding ticket…I do not want to talk about that.
[practicing distraction technique]
Have you seen this video?
If only I could have shown such restraint when faced with a 55 mph zone and an encroaching dinner time… but I really don’t want to talk about it.
A New Journey
I used to think that death would be exciting. Not in a thrill-ride kind of way, with goose-bumps and anticipation. Not exhilaration, but startle. Like when the movie villain appears so suddenly that you jump out of your skin a little. It’s not unexpected; you know he’s there, hiding in the closet, but somehow it still takes you by surprise.
A death!
I know better now. In the last week I have discovered that sometimes death takes its time. It is a slow, meandering process, measured in the drips of an IV and the sound of time running out.
I wonder, how many breaths make up a lifetime? If I knew my number would it make each more precious? Or would the number stagger me, make me feel rich enough to waste them away?
A death.
Instead of the movie villain, in this instance, I think death was a welcome friend. It quietly crept into the room this morning and escorted W’s father on. He has set out on a new journey, equipped all the knowledge and wisdom he has gained in his nearly eighty years on earth.
He will be missed.
tap tap tapity tap
GW is at day-camp all week and I am hard at work on another writing project. It will be quiet around here for a day or three.
Weather Forecast
Tuesday
47° F | 38° F
8° C | 3° C
Rain: 80% chance of precipitation
Wednesday
52° F | 47° F
11° C | 8° C
Rain: 40% chance of precipitation
And…we’re going camping tonight. I hope we don’t drown.
Ha-ha-ha-happy Mother’s Day
Wanna know what’s so funny? Click here.
Dead Man’s Hill
The hill near my house has already claimed at least one life.
It’s true. I saw the body.
One day, years ago, I drove up the hill. I turned a corner just after the crest and had to hit my brakes. There were two empty cars parked in the middle of the road ahead of me. I looked to the shoulder and saw two men, presumably the drivers. One was on a cell phone; the other was just standing there, staring. I followed his line of sight and there, in the ditch, was a body.
It was an obviously dead man, late middle aged, in a jogging suit. The hill had done him in.
This hill is about 3/4 of a mile of unbearable steepness. If I were an engineering type, I would spout of some impressive jargon about angles and grade versus length, but since I am a creative type I’ll just say the hill is a killer. (See that? It is called a word play. Take that engineers!)
A couple of years ago, I started running. And me, being who I am, decided right off to train for the Baltimore half marathon. I gave myself a good eight months to train for it. And I made it up to running about 9 straight miles when I hurt my knee. I tried to work through it with a physical therapist, but in the end I had to settle for running a 5k.
A few months later we moved back to Oregon, in the same neighborhood as Dead Man’s Hill, but I didn’t think about running it. I was too busy unpacking and settling in.
Summer came and I drove up the hill several times a week to take my daughter to swim lessons, but I didn’t think about running it. It was too hot.
Fall came, and with it cooler weather. The trees flanking the hill were showing gorgeous color. But I didn’t think about running it. I had begun homeschooling and my mind was as full as my days.
I wasn’t only not-thinking about the hill. I was not-thinking about running at all.
But then something happened. I woke up one day and realized that I couldn’t button my pants how much I missed it.
I missed the solitude.
I missed the meditative rhythm of feet on pavement.
I missed sweating and struggling and finally achieving.
I remembered that running is good for my heart. And my soul.
So I ran.
And last week I tackled that hill.
It was exhilarating.
It was exhausting.
But I survived.
And someday…someday, in the not too distant future…
I might even try to run up it.
*****
Over the weekend, my girl competed in a local run to benefit area schools. She didn’t finish first, but she did finish happy.
Running is good for her heart too.
Wild Moments
Years ago, when W and I discovered that a baby was joining our family, we spent a lot of time preparing. We cleaned out the bedroom across the hall from us, then paint and papered it into a sweet little nursery. We (I) spent hours obsessing over reading about the care and feeding of newborns. I dragged W down to the hospital for an infant CPR class.
And we shopped.
Crib, crib sheets, crib bumpers, hanging mobile music box, rocker, changing table, car seat, multiple strollers, baby boppy, baby bjorn, diaper genie, diaper bag, diapers, bottles, bottle warmer, little blankets, little towels, little clothes and plenty of film for the camera (remember that?).
The one thing we did not buy was a video camera. I remember a few people asking us if we had one so we could capture those special little moments in our new baby’s life. They were surprised when I said I didn’t want one.
Captured Moments made me think of a sort of zoo, where the scenes of my life lie listlessly in their cages. I didn’t want that. I wanted to live in those special moments, to experience them in the wild.
I didn’t want to watch my baby grow up from behind a viewfinder.
We eventually did buy a video camera, when GW was about three, but we have yet to fill up an entire tape. And yes, I agree that those moments we have captured are a precious and wonderful record of her life. But it is also true that the act of recording life sometimes interferes with the living of it.
Instead of really experiencing GW’s first tap recital, I was trying to frame the best shot.
I can watch it a hundred-thousand times, but I will never be able to know what it feels like to be there in the present, without distraction.
Which brings me to this little blog of mine. There have been times when I have been viewing my life through the lens of blogablity. Times where I was less than present in a situation because I was busy composing a post about it in my head. Times when I was so busy trying to capture a moment in words that I missed its living, breathing beauty.
I can go back and read all about it, but I will never be able to know what it feels like to be there in the present, without distraction.
I read this post yesterday and it really spoke to me and the thoughts I’ve been having about this space. Read it. I’d love to hear your thoughts.
All of this does not mean that I will stop blogging. It does mean that there will likely be a lot of silence between posts as I navigate the delicate balance between recording my life and living it.
Once upon a time there was a Heidi…
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